Oye! Today was a bad day. My stomach is in knots. My life flipturned upside down. Now I am finishing up my college with nobody but my lonesome. So much for college lovers. I missed that train. Two serious relation ships in 4.5 years fucked those chances. Maybe I'm better for the stability in those times. But now is when I need stability. Shortly it's me against the world and I don't have a relief pitcher. I'm going to need relief... a vaction... someone to confide in... Someone to love. Maybe I'm too easy to give my love... maybe I don't push back enough. Maybe I pushed to hard... Maybe I should just give up... Maybe it isn't worth the trouble... I feel like i can't breathe. I can't take this pressure.
My dad is gone... My mom might as well be gone too. My brother was never there. My fiancee won't forgive me, because" I can't be trusted... maybe i would do this again..." I cant to this to myself let alone anybody else.I ruined a potentially great future in 7 words" I don't think I love you anymore"!
My life is in shambles... Who knows if I will find a job?... Who knows what I will do? I don't know what is going to happen but I do know I can take care of myself. I am smart I am strong I am willing... and maybe a little masichistic. is it wrong? NO! I can and will do the best thing for myself I just have to stop my anxiety from holding me back. this is a fucking long post. OK the End... to be continued
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