yes another post

Oye! Today was a bad day. My stomach is in knots. My life flipturned upside down. Now I am finishing up my college with nobody but my lonesome. So much for college lovers. I missed that train. Two serious relation ships in 4.5 years fucked those chances. Maybe I'm better for the stability in those times. But now is when I need stability. Shortly it's me against the world and I don't have a relief pitcher. I'm going to need relief... a vaction... someone to confide in... Someone to love. Maybe I'm too easy to give my love... maybe I don't push back enough. Maybe I pushed to hard... Maybe I should just give up... Maybe it isn't worth the trouble... I feel like i can't breathe. I can't take this pressure.

My dad is gone... My mom might as well be gone too. My brother was never there. My fiancee won't forgive me, because" I can't be trusted... maybe i would do this again..." I cant to this to myself let alone anybody else.I ruined a potentially great future in 7 words" I don't think I love you anymore"!

My life is in shambles... Who knows if I will find a job?... Who knows what I will do? I don't know what is going to happen but I do know I can take care of myself. I am smart I am strong I am willing... and maybe a little masichistic. is it wrong? NO! I can and will do the best thing for myself I just have to stop my anxiety from holding me back. this is a fucking long post. OK the End... to be continued

No burritos tonight there gone, gone, gone

Oh well my world as I know it just died. No more fucking Harry's burritos. This hole gets bigger. No more fun. No more smiles. No more life. But just the same don't worry. I can't help but worry. Why? Why, did I do those things? How do I deserve this? My soul ran away with the crowd now I'm standing here alone and in the dark with no light to guide me. The sun has set the stars are coming out And maybe I'll shine as bright as one of them one day but not today. Not tomorrow! When will the sun shine again? I'm ready, I’m willing, it’s gone, Its gone Its Gone. The tears fall like rain. They cover everything. And the sun isn't there to shine. It would dry up everything. Like the smile on your face. Now it’s gone, it’s gone ITS GONE! I switched her on or so I thought .It is off and it was never coming back. Those eyes that heart those feet That LOVE, that last caress, that happiness, those tears of joy, that that day on the beach. That evening, that ring is all gone. All I want is to live that day forever. But my chance is gone. You're gone gone gone! He's gone too that hair it got everywhere, that spirit warmed me in the night, those kisses brightened the day,now he’s gone. And that nephew cute as a button. His smile that stopped time is gone. Where did everything go?... They are still there. I can see it all in pictures and through memories! They are here haunting these eyes and this big heart. Those thoughts my memories are here. I'm just removed I'm gone gone gone FOREVER!

The office

I have heard the office is new tonight so I guess I will be staying up past my bedtime. yey... Michael Scott is the man woot woot! Dwight is a character and Pam is hot along with Jim’s other girlfriend... and Ms La Marca. Am I allowed to say her name I didn't mean to give up a sub-plot. Anyway the aforementioned name does not belong in my single life blog... but oh well I guess I make/enforce the rules. So I can break them. HEHE!

it's been a month

I only realized yesterday that I am a single man. I was a single man misleading myself and banking on something I thought was a sure thing. I guess if you go looking for apples you get oranges. I am not sure that makes too much sense so I will reiterate that I convinced myself something that wasn't true and then I beat up myself after realizing i did it to myself. It is depressing... But i guess it isn't as depressing as the real world of working for a living. Soon I’ll be there too. Being single then is going to suck horribly. But from here at the bottom of the barrel it can only get better. Well I guess this is a good update for now. I have to stop procrastinating. Time to work on my lesson plans!