Single

I am no longer single!!!!!! Yey! I love my kimmy! She is soooo hooootttttt! I love love love her! I like beer! Hopefully new years is way better from now on. I miss my kimmy. She is the shit. I want to kiss her for new years but cant :-(

real world

So now the real world is approaching. So much to do in so little time. I have to send out my recommendation forms to my cooperating teachers and Doc. Then I have to start working before I finish my student teaching. I have to get health insurance. I am going to have to pay my cell phone bill and I am going to have to pay for car insurance. That is going to leave me with no money. I'm looking forward to that... haha!

Nyquil dreams

Wow Nyquil dreams are weird. I was hanging out going to get food. then I walk into the back of a McDonalds and end up at a wedding.At first I thought I was getting food then I realized I wasn't in the right seat. I wanted to sit next to some girl I don't remember. Then I hear my grandma on the other side and she picks me out of the crowd to tell me my seat is over here. who then I go get up to get to my seat but it is o the other side of an impassable isle. then a show starts this dragon thing comes out and does a show. there are lots of guys holding running around it looked like a Chinese new year celebration. then in the middle of the show my grandma comes up from behind me and talks to the guard after the show was over and she told him He is my grandson we are moving across. the guard she Karen was worried about a bad start. But he let us go. grandma and I get behind the stage and the curtains she tells me to wait. grand ma goes in and talks with aunt Karen. then eventually I announce my presence and I come in. Through the curtains it looks like a mansion. old fashioned furniture and a beautiful scene. then we sit down and start talking about who knows what, And other ppl start coming in and talking and budding in . Then my aunt leaves because she feels like she is being rude to the rest of her reception. So I climb up on an elevator lift with some other dude watching the party from above. A couple of mins go by and my Copiague friends barge in like they are going into a club all loud and stuff. SO I go down to meet them to see where they are going next. then i see Adam (kims friend) and he says he is having a party at his place and that I was welcome to come along with other ppl he called by name. .

That is a weird Nyquil dream.

Now I have a dilemma

Now that I race on Saturday I can't go out and party :( I guess I'll kick back with a couple water bottles and bananas. SWEET!

Post T-day

I went to sleep at 7:30 am 11/23. I was playing halo on legendary... It was more important than sleep last night. Now I've been grading papers all DAY! Argh! I need food. Buh -bye

My headhurts

I think TV still sucks. Today is the first time I have watched a full program that I wasn't anticipating. I think I have a headache. Fucking colors. Now I remember how badly TV still sucks. Commercials are gay.

Movies are ok at least there is not commercials. I am really bored and I think this extended vacation is going to suck. I know That is a bad frame of mind to have but This headache doesn't help. I'm bored already.

This has got to be a record amount of posts in 24 hours

So yeah this is my second post in less than 24 hours. I am doing this cuz I'm procrastinating, can't focus, bored, frustrated, lonely, and I should be tired. So pathetic me is writing his heart out and wearing on his digital sleeve. That was corny. But it's who I am. I need some lovin. Tomorrow Dane can scratch that itch for me, hopefully. I need some good old fashioned fun. right about NOW... OK NOW... I guess I have to wait till tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow: I have to call Cindy to let her know a tour guide will not be needed. And also I have to come up with a genius lesson plan to introduce gravity erosion. hmm how will i do it? Goddamn!

Phone anxiety is a lame excuse for being retarded on the phone. but it is mine. I hate absolutely hate when ppl say they will call and then don't. It is like watching water boil. except water eventually boils. I really wish I could go back in time to a simpler time. where electricity was scarce and life was much simpler. Oh well it's not. I need to just go live off the land in a hut somewhere with a fireplace and a woman. that's what I want. is that too much to ask. Haha yes. Women don't want anything to do with the outdoors anymore. In another life i was either a viking or a lumberjack... two bad ass outdoors men. I'm done I think the hay is calling my name... I wish it was a hot chick.... I guess hay will have to do for now.

Driven to be what we must be

To be single or not to be... I don't know which is better. they both have ups and downs. At least when you are taken you can always chill with the same person and have fun.

I have come to the conclusion that distance sucks. It is really expensive when you don't have a paying job.

Student teaching is the shit I love going to work... It sucks that we don't get paid. All the planning is a pain on the neck. teaching is fun. I have to do actual planning now peace out.

Big turn offs

The Meaning of My Life

I have just had the biggest epiphany in my life. I only just realized what happiness is. I have lived my life searching for happiness. I was searching frantically or working hard and sacrificing everything for a piece of happiness. What I realized is that "happiness is not a destination". It is here it is now. and it is not necessarily easy to see but my life is filled with little thing that should make me happy. Because I couldn't find happiness I clung to the sources where i found moments of happiness. Which were all the women in my life. I held onto them so tight because they became my main source of happiness. Even when they ended I still held on tight because I was so crushed by the loss of what I thought was happiness. My life is unraveling before my eyes. every thing makes so much sense because of a sign that reads "Happiness is not a destination it is here and now."

the violent see-saw

Life is like a see-saw except it has a little less pizzazz. Every time you get good and high a brick smashes you in the face. That brings you right back down. :)

Good riddance

Things you say to someone can really affect your mood. I feel like a weight is lifted. I’m psyched to go brush my teeth and wake up to talk to better and less ugly ppl (on the whole). I can’t wait for this costume party on Friday its gunna be sick. I am ready to rock out with red cape, skirt and spear in hand. Friday night we dine in hell. Hehe.
Mets day tomorrow at school. I get to rock my Mets jersey. Sweetness!
And it is hump day coolio!

single?

Single hmmmmm... only time can tell

To be... or not to be... single

I had a fun filled weekend. Friday was a drag but not really cause I got to beat halo. Saturday I went and visited Nate for a couple of hours. Played more halo... Then I went up to NP to Get my drink on with my old teammates. the first night was good old-fashioned beer pong... With a quick visit from a very nice cop about noise complaints. So we toned it down. And brought the beer pong inside. that isn't the best part... half of the men at the party were half naked when the cop showed up. I think that cheered her up. I know it cheered me up. I met some more freshman and Christie’s roommates. That night ended early with some Monty python. I proceeded to crash on the couch. Tim had the other one.

Day two---- we went and did our long run at 9 am. got back visited Steve at the shop. got my NEW shoes and a free pair of running socks. The guys and I chilled at the store chit chatting with Steve. Then we got brunch at HAZ -Fuck. Then we showered then Tim and I went over to nick for some halo. Then back to Christies to chill out waiting for George. Then back to Haz for dinner. w/ Christie and George... we used up all the guys guest passes. We stuffed our faces, and then went to go get beer for night of drinking part 2. I drank a lot of beer ate some pizza played beer pong... more nakedness... you get the picture. Then came rob with chunks and I did follow his step about an hour later. Then I passed out on the couch and drawings began.

Being single isn't bad if you drink responsibly and surround yourself with friends. I can get used to this. Ok this is enough time to shower.

I never was this mean to you in MY LIFE

I'm as much a man as you are a woman. Yeah well i'm looking for a friendly woman not a BITCHY woman. I never did anything as a friend to ask for that slap in the face. that was possibly the meanest thing I have ever heard... I won't say any names K

yes another post

Oye! Today was a bad day. My stomach is in knots. My life flipturned upside down. Now I am finishing up my college with nobody but my lonesome. So much for college lovers. I missed that train. Two serious relation ships in 4.5 years fucked those chances. Maybe I'm better for the stability in those times. But now is when I need stability. Shortly it's me against the world and I don't have a relief pitcher. I'm going to need relief... a vaction... someone to confide in... Someone to love. Maybe I'm too easy to give my love... maybe I don't push back enough. Maybe I pushed to hard... Maybe I should just give up... Maybe it isn't worth the trouble... I feel like i can't breathe. I can't take this pressure.

My dad is gone... My mom might as well be gone too. My brother was never there. My fiancee won't forgive me, because" I can't be trusted... maybe i would do this again..." I cant to this to myself let alone anybody else.I ruined a potentially great future in 7 words" I don't think I love you anymore"!

My life is in shambles... Who knows if I will find a job?... Who knows what I will do? I don't know what is going to happen but I do know I can take care of myself. I am smart I am strong I am willing... and maybe a little masichistic. is it wrong? NO! I can and will do the best thing for myself I just have to stop my anxiety from holding me back. this is a fucking long post. OK the End... to be continued

No burritos tonight there gone, gone, gone

Oh well my world as I know it just died. No more fucking Harry's burritos. This hole gets bigger. No more fun. No more smiles. No more life. But just the same don't worry. I can't help but worry. Why? Why, did I do those things? How do I deserve this? My soul ran away with the crowd now I'm standing here alone and in the dark with no light to guide me. The sun has set the stars are coming out And maybe I'll shine as bright as one of them one day but not today. Not tomorrow! When will the sun shine again? I'm ready, I’m willing, it’s gone, Its gone Its Gone. The tears fall like rain. They cover everything. And the sun isn't there to shine. It would dry up everything. Like the smile on your face. Now it’s gone, it’s gone ITS GONE! I switched her on or so I thought .It is off and it was never coming back. Those eyes that heart those feet That LOVE, that last caress, that happiness, those tears of joy, that that day on the beach. That evening, that ring is all gone. All I want is to live that day forever. But my chance is gone. You're gone gone gone! He's gone too that hair it got everywhere, that spirit warmed me in the night, those kisses brightened the day,now he’s gone. And that nephew cute as a button. His smile that stopped time is gone. Where did everything go?... They are still there. I can see it all in pictures and through memories! They are here haunting these eyes and this big heart. Those thoughts my memories are here. I'm just removed I'm gone gone gone FOREVER!

The office

I have heard the office is new tonight so I guess I will be staying up past my bedtime. yey... Michael Scott is the man woot woot! Dwight is a character and Pam is hot along with Jim’s other girlfriend... and Ms La Marca. Am I allowed to say her name I didn't mean to give up a sub-plot. Anyway the aforementioned name does not belong in my single life blog... but oh well I guess I make/enforce the rules. So I can break them. HEHE!

it's been a month

I only realized yesterday that I am a single man. I was a single man misleading myself and banking on something I thought was a sure thing. I guess if you go looking for apples you get oranges. I am not sure that makes too much sense so I will reiterate that I convinced myself something that wasn't true and then I beat up myself after realizing i did it to myself. It is depressing... But i guess it isn't as depressing as the real world of working for a living. Soon I’ll be there too. Being single then is going to suck horribly. But from here at the bottom of the barrel it can only get better. Well I guess this is a good update for now. I have to stop procrastinating. Time to work on my lesson plans!

New Post

It has been a while since the last one... This Friday and Saturday look like a single series of days for reflection/torture. I can not describe how much I miss being unsigle right now. Only my Nate and my Xbox know the songs I sing too well.
Maybe my Zune too.

B.O.R.E.D.!

I am sooo bored! Working a lot is good money but I would rather have time spent with friends than all the money in the world. I mean good friends Not the kinda friends you meet in prison. I need me a good cool nice friend if she is a women, hot would be a bonus, flirty even better! I can keep wishing. I am going to be working two more long weeks I think. argh! Even then you don't really meet ppl in bars. you just meet ppl you already know. why go to a bar when you can chat online to do that it's all just small talk. newho! yeah I watched two movies today... Napoleon Dynamite and Mystic River. Maybe I'll watch a third. The Internet has been down most of the day. I played some old school computer games. I should get some new ones. the only problem is Xbox games rule my world. Speaking of xbox I should probably preorder Halo 3. Yes I admit I am a mega dork. What can I say I enjoy pretending I am in the future shooting aliens. It's all just good fun.this is long and about nothing so I am going to end it here.

hmmmm....

Why? Why is being single suck... Why do I relate to Dane Cook?... Why can't people pick up their cell phones? Why did the payroll company screw up my paycheck? Why do i write in this blog? Why do I still think of Kim a lot? Why do people get married? ...no matter what happens in life you always start and end life cold and alone. Why does HSBC credit cards suck?... Actually I know that answer. Why cant cingular give me a free phone? Seriously WTF? ARRRRRRRRH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

P.S. why does somebody still have my "alphabet of manliness" book?

Let the bitching begin

Yeah so I have concluded being single sucks. I don't know if I am willing to give up my temporary loneliness for a quick and easy solution. Easy is really an understatement. IT is really just relative to the hardship it will take to develop a new relationship. I am young but today in particular my patience is running thin. Now for the bitching part!!!

For starters... My credit card company wants to charge me $111 for trying to close my account. And every time I tried solving my problem I could never get back to a representative. those representatives never have American accents so it is hard to understand them.

Then I only just got paid for 46 hours OT when Marty told me I got paid for more than 50 hours overtime. I dunno about that. He is away so their is no settling that. Oh yeah and the direct deposit takes two days to clear. arg...

Then... I call Ryan and he doesn't want to go out... Maybe Friday but I am not holding my breath.

Then... running... Yeah I suck... I need to run more. You only get out what you put in. I guess that applies to everything that is happening in my life.

Then... I see that Erin deleted comments of mine off of facebook... I think. I can't be sure though. It just got me frustrated that I haven't received a reply. I did only just send it. So I think I am being impatient. I will give her the benefit of the doubt I am just confused about what is going on right now...

Then I want to talk to Nate but as it turns out he is still at work... So Cindy and I talked...

So who wants to make my life better??? I beg you!

THANK YOU US GOVT you actually got me a beer!

Today was basically my stressfreeday for a week. I didn't have to run around with my head cut off. And I even ran right on the Hudson river. Check out my running blog .I also got to chill poolside at my bosses house. With beer and pretzels at hand I soaked in the hottub for an hour! I was cruising the Internet on some residential wireless networks.

So... then I headed to the mall I tried to get guitar hero... All i want to say is that circuit city doesn't put the customer first UP YOURS CC! Then I headed upstairs to get some food! So I sat at the bar in Fridays. I wanted another Blue moon but my ID is at my bosses house. So I ordered a coke and Jack Daniels chicken Alfredo, I wasn't settling for just a coke.I decided I should check my wallet to see if I could find a document with my birth date. Luckily thanks to my enlistment card I got a pint of Blue moon. THANK YOU US GOVT you actually got me a beer.

I noticed there were two cute girls sitting by them selves at the bar. The first one I saw was sitting right across from me I think she was too young.(I can tell by the lack of alcoholic beverage). the other was really cute and had a drink. She eyed me a couple of times. The only problem was I was eating so I could go with Kim to get harry pot head at midnight. I didn't have the time to approach this girl... arg! Freakin harry potter book. Another reason to dislike Harry Potter!

Outback then 2 for 1 at chille's

Today was an ordinary day at work. But afterward it was a lot of fun. I ate some good meat at Outback steakhouse. Then had some good old Sam seasonal 2 for 1. You can't beat that. Sam Adams summer ale has become my beer of choice.

Kim and I went to dinner right after work. We talked some but mostly we stuffed our faces. Good food with a good girl equals a good time. Then afterwards We headed over to Chile's for the 2 for 1 specials. We met Coleen and her boyfriend there. eventually Gina Sam and Susan showed up. We got to talking. It was good times it wasn't awkward for me. I guess the beer helped. they were very receptive. I didn't get cold shoulders from anybody.

Kim and I talked about some issues that needed to be addressed. We still need a resolution/compromise eventually. I am a free man still no commitments. i tell myself that but no matter what I do I know Kim will at least be in the corner of my mind and in my thoughts. goodnight bye! The leg is twitching time to sleep!

If you can believe it...

I don't know what to say here because Kim and I have decided we are going to work at a relationship again. Who knew? We went out to lunch to talk about it and everything felt right and seemed to fall back into place. BUT... Right now I am still single and I am not holding back for the rest of the summer. It's nice to know her again.... but just the same I have made some plans And I want the chance to play on some field before getting back into a relationship. Anyway Enough said I will be posting on here later, until then STAY CLASSY!

Magnitude of Mammaries

Thanks for the mammaries even though they weren't that great.(That is a lie, because they are great). falloutboy is sooo wrong.

The fortune cookie foretold: "Truth can be harsh, but it can be helpful." so far I am living proof of that. So far tonight has been a slap in the face. But I am getting up again for the next round.

Things aren't going as I had hoped. We all hope for the best. But when things go well things can only get worse... I figure I have more time to play the field now then I ever had and things can only get better. Right? I'm probably still wrong.lol. Then again after talking to Kim again tonight maybe things will get better... My love is like a roller coaster babybaby!

Single life is off to a rough start

The almost non-date with val didn't turn over any stones. the party never happend. Erin is still MIA. Ryan T didn't want to go drinking again. Instead we chatted on aim for an hour around midnight. I was barely able to convince pete to do a LAN/ halo party. And today I have to go back to work where showers are scarce and the DOL guy is out to nail me with a fine. Ugh

Friday

It is friday night, yet again I am all alone... This is going to be rough. Motha f-er. I hate myself on nights like this. But I realize now that I wasn't happy. That is no way to live, not forever addtionally lack of sex factor is getting into my head.

PS mayday parade is my drug of choice tonight and everynight thereafter.

Party at Barcade

Had a boat load of fun at barcade. Nate, cindy Val and I went to an awesome bar in the city. 25 cent old school arcade games, with alcohal equals much fun. Especially getting Cindy drunk. She had never been drunk before last night. Fun times ensued! Valerie was a lot of fun. I didn't have to thrid wheel it. It was fun to flirt with a hottie. It was just fun... :->

Burned

My poor old heart.
Why does it feel so broken
Why does it yern for her
I am stricken... everytime
I see her smile... everytime
I get burned... everytime
I realize it's over!

The Saturday has begun

My Saturday has started off shitty. I was late geting out of West Nyack Elem. I couldn't find the padlock to my classroom I was sleeping in. I left two pumps in the work area I have to remember to take them out of the work area. I left my folder of shit for air testing including maps. I need a shower desparately. I am lonelier than loneliness. I got a great big paycheck that went to the fucking dogs. This week no more double shifts. So i won't get as much money grrr So I have to find SOmething constructive with my time. I can only read so much internet articles on my computer. I brought The foundation trilogy which is a great 1000 page book I could start that over. I forgot WTF was happening in that book. I need to get the pictures from the grand canyon from chris. I will email him today. I need to label/tag pictures from the trip. I can retreive the good pics of me from kims disc. I did pack up all my clothes but they are wrinkled to hell. oye I need to check on the work being done. today these guys are mad fucking slow.
until next time stay classy

friday alone!

I spend most of my days running around with my head cut off. Air sampling is fun but very hard on the body. I barely get enough sleep to function. Then sometimes I can't get food. Today I wanted food but I was busy talking to my ex. I have been hoping to hold onto a piece of what we had. But that doesn't even look like it's possible. She won't give me a chance. I think it is mostly the social stigma attached to it. It also has to do with what i said/did. Which I feel I made a mistake. For her to go against something she denounced would take away any credibility of what she said. So she will move on. It's not to hard to find really good looking people I just don't want to be that creepy guy in the corner hanging over people. Maybe another night when I am really desperate for some beers. To top it off Shoprite closed before I could go in and get anything. That pissed me off. It is probably better off. You start to enter the gateway of alcoholism when you drink by your lonesome. i can't afford that or actually do that to myself. I want to think of myself as a social drinker.

On top of it all I am in a place where I don't know anybody except the people I work with. And they are all in their 30s- 50s. Their is one supervisor Steve who supposedly is from around here and is "young" like me. I might be able to see him tomorrow and find out the good bars or even get his number to go out with him and some friends. I hope that works. I just have to deal with this a little longer. then maybe on LI I will be able to find some people to go to the bars with. At least I know people there.

This girl erin is cool. she is very spontaneous can turn on a dime funny irish(with red hair green eyes and all. She was that crazy wild side. I like it. Unfortunately she has a boy friend. She is hoping to work out all the kinks this next week. You all know What I think. But I think it's best for her to not make any rash decisions like I made. Oye! I think that is good for one night maybe tomorrow I will talk about how much crazier my life is after hanging out with nate cindy and Val at the bars in the city.

friday alone!